I didn't shave. On purpose
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
