I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
