I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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