I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
