Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize