If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
