I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
