I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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