He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
