I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
