Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
