I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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