so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
