I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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