The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he shaved USA in his pubs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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