In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
