she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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