his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
