I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
