Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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