So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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