If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize