"it" just moved
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
