I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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