It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
