I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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