Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
