Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
