Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
