Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
