the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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