Christians are straight up FREAKS
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
