And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
