I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
