i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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