so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
