its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
