I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
