oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
