Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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