I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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