You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
