i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
