Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
