I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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