were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
