I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
