I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
