i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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