420 ftw
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
