Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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