her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
