The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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