If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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