It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
