Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
