You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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