When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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