Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
