My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize