found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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