he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
