i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
