Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
