You smell like stripper and shame
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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