FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
