sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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