Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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