i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
