do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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