R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
