That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
